"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
-Clive Staples Lewis

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

None is better than one


A short piece by Nathan Evans
 The hungry couple sat down in the cafe. They both looked around with that look of anticipation and excitement that comes with being famished and ready to eat.
"What should we order dear?"
"Well, I do not know what this place has to offer. Let us wait for the menu shall we?"
The waiter brought the menu and placed it in front of the couple. His air was of one who has bestowed a grand and glorious gift upon someone.
"Welcome to Cafe Democracy." he practically shouted.
The stars in the waiter's eyes shown with true brilliance and belief. One could not look long into those eyes and not believe that this cafe was indeed the greatest cafe in the world. The hungry couple fell onto their menu with not a selfish ravenous appetite but with a vigor to impress and solidify that indeed this cafe was all it was stacked up to be.
"Gosh honey, I cannot believe our good luck in stopping in here to eat!"
"Yes we are so blessed to be a part of the greatest eatery in the world."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile and placed his reassuring hands on both of their shoulders
"As you can see on the menu, we have a wide selection of options of your palate pleasing delight. We at Cafe Democracy, believe our choices represent what our patrons want and provide the widest, fairest and truest beliefs."
The hungry couple was overwhelmed with pride and thankfulness. They could not wait to order and put their two cents into the best cafe in the world. Even though it was quite beyond them that they ended up in this cafe, both husband and wife became borderline arrogant about their position in this Cafe Democracy.
"Is it not amazing that we the patrons have choices in what this fine establishment serves us?"
"You are so right. I feel such immense pride in this fact and wish for the world that other cafes did this same thing. It feels so right and good for us that I just cannot believe that it would not be right and good for all patrons of all cafes."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile.
"Now you are becoming true patronetes! I thank god you two are joining us in this process of choosing your food and service. I am your humble servant. Please take a look at these all inclusive options we, your humble cafe workers, have laid out for you."
The menus were as elegant and gilded as a menu could be. Each of them had the Cafe Democracy Logo in bossed letters across the top and then below that there was a paragraph that told of the freedom and choices that each patron who dined at Cafe Democracy was entitled to. At the bottom there was a signed promise by the founder of the Cafe that if a patron was not happy with the service provided that new waiters, cooks and bus boys would be placed. This was followed by the following phrase, "Cafe Democracy, more choices, better choices and did we mention any choice you want?" The couple picked them up and gazed in wide wonder at them. They naturally looked around them at other patrons around the cafe. People were pondering their own decisions and talking with their own waiter. To the untrained eye, it looked as if all the patrons were either very excited about their choices or just very calm. The woman finally open her menu up. A perplexed shadow crossed her face. It quickly vanished as the waiter's grip(it was no longer just a hand upon her shoulder) became firmer. The smile was still on his face but the stars in his eyes had lost a little sparkle and became a little sharper. She looked across at her husband who was very happily whistling the cafe theme song while he seemingly scanned his culinary options.
"Excuse me sir, but my menu must be wrong."
The waiter did not smile his knowing smile.
"And how my dear patroness, is your menu wrong?"
"Well...I am not sure where all my options are. I see the promise of more choices and freedoms than other cafes but I only have two menu items. A cheeseburger and a hamburger."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile but there was a dangerous edge to his voice that was not there earlier.
"As you can see, if you were not so ungrateful, that both choices come with a different freedom fry and soft drink."
The man had now looked up with some uncertainty.
"Oh waiter sir, I do not much care for french.." a quick fiery look from the waiter, "oh...ummm I mean freedom fries, either steak house style or waffle cut. Could I have a side of coleslaw with my hamburger?"
The waiter's knowing smile and starry eyes returned.
"Fellow patron, the choice between two types of freedom fries is a basic right that all Cafe Democracy patrons are entitled to. Please do not order in such a way that is un-cafelike, especially with such un-cafe like food options."
"Waiter, I also am unsatisfied with some options. I do not enjoy any sort of soft drinks, I prefer to have iced tea or just water. That is within my freedom and rights, correct?"
"Yes and I am not even sure I want any sort of burger. I have had so many of those in my life that I think a chicken sandwich sounds quite nice."
"The menu is set by cooks who know, my apologies, quite a bit more about food that either of you will ever know. Please choose your menu option now."
The now less hungry couple looked around them again. The other patrons now seemed to have changed. The excited patrons now looked more angry than excited. The calm and serene ones now looked to be more sad and broken. All had burgers or cheese burgers with one of two freedom fries and an extra large soft drink at their tables.
"I think I have lost my appetite honey. What about you?"
"Yes both options are unhealthy and do not sound or look good."
"I agree. I believe it would be healthier to not choose either option and just have some granola bars that we still have in our car."
The waiter had no smile on his face. He had no stars in his eyes. He turned and waved his arm towards two bus boys that had been waiting in the corner.
"These two people are no longer patrons at Cafe Democracy. Please dispose of their belongings, including their car. They only have it because of our great cooks and fellow patrons."
He turned to the now shocked and outraged couple.
"You will be charged full fare for your meal, now please leave Cafe Democracy and never return. Our menu options are for our paying patrons only."
"But we are paying patrons. You just said that we have been charged full price for the food that we did not order!"
The waiter did not look back at them as the bus boy, who wore a t-shirt stating that he was the practice of democracy, started dragging both man and woman out the back door. He instead went over to a new set of people wandering into the cafe. The people jumped in pseudo fright at his barking voice.
"Welcome to Cafe Democracy."

 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

If you feel like it...


Some thoughts I have thought in the last few days...
-The Sahara Desert is hot.
I am serious. It is very hot.
-People around the world are basically the same.
They want respect for who they are. They eat food and drink water but some eat more food and drink cleaner water. Cultures clash but can not only co-exist but refine and enrich each other. I saw an incredible scene whilst on this last trip. A team member received Henna (sp?) on her hands. I could be biffing this up but I believe it is some sort of long lasting ink made from interesting smelling things. They tattoo it on your hands or feet. As this woman waved her bagged hands, under which were apparently obviously Hennaed, a group of 20ish ladies who were sitting under a tree, literally exploded with cheering, clapping and pseudo dancing. These ladies were so excited that this "two bob" (white person) came to their community and participated in something that was part of their culture. I ramble but I was blown away. It is small things we do that make massive impacts.
-Governments and most media are evil(ish).
That may be a strong word but I like to sling words around that have some meat on their bones. Everyday people are lied to by their national leaders and then lied to again about the government lies by the media. I am sick of it. As The Tenant says in Steinbeck's "Grapes of Wrath", "I want to go and shoot the sonuvabitch who is responsible for this but "The Bank" is not a man but is just made of men." I do not want to shoot anyone but this problem we have cannot be traced back to one thing. The human situation of greed, need and hate really makes it easy for the powers that be to keep doing a fantastic job of destroying lives. A great quote from a local man in the country I was in. "I very much like America...ummm I just do not like your government, yes?" Me too...me too.
-Culture Shock is real.
I just came from a place that, at best, the traffic could be called "controlled chaos" to a place here with an plethora of road rules and safety regulations. Where do I feel less safe and where do I get the worst looks and finger combinations? Yes, it is here not there. Boo. I am shocked...culturally.
-Make your meat count.
I have been swayed by a couple of travel companions on the positives of abstaining from the flesh of beasts. This is a, pardon the pun, hard thing for me to swallow. I very much like bacon, hambuuuurgers, steaks, bear and pig ribs, ham sandwiches, pizza and yes all sorts of meats. I am not giving up flesh totally but I think I see the value in not having animal fat constantly course through my blood, liver, heart and where ever else it goes. So I will just have to make my meat intake count. When I do eat it, I will need it to be spectacular. Like grizzly bear or something epic like that. Eating a ram, with my hands, in a tent, on top of a house in Africa works as well. Oh and Taco Tuesday at Zimm's because actually that may not be meat anywho.
-Language is a barrier but not a wall.
I went to a country to "teach English". I put that in quotes because these students, for the most part, could spell better than me and knew more grammar rules than I did. I really just taught them idioms. I digress. The people in this country spoke French and a form of Arabic for the most part. I met a family who spoke no amount of English. They impacted me in so many ways. I connected with them more deeply and intimately than most people that I can understand every word they say. I think it is not the words you say but what you are saying. I do need to learn French if I am to go back there though. It is not flattering to do Charades when needing to use the bathroom. Just tacky.

Well that is enough of my thought vomit. I feel like I have emptied my jumbled mind a bit. Thanks for coming.
P.S. To illustrate my terrible spelling, as I pressed the spell check button, I saw what I thought was a glass of lemonade spilling on my computer screen. It was not lemonade but just many highlighted and misspelled words. Go American education!