A short piece by Nathan Evans
The hungry couple sat down in the cafe. They both looked around with that look of anticipation and excitement that comes with being famished and ready to eat.
"What should we order dear?"
"Well, I do not know what this place has to offer. Let us wait for the menu shall we?"
The waiter brought the menu and placed it in front of the couple. His air was of one who has bestowed a grand and glorious gift upon someone.
"Welcome to Cafe Democracy." he practically shouted.
The stars in the waiter's eyes shown with true brilliance and belief. One could not look long into those eyes and not believe that this cafe was indeed the greatest cafe in the world. The hungry couple fell onto their menu with not a selfish ravenous appetite but with a vigor to impress and solidify that indeed this cafe was all it was stacked up to be.
"Gosh honey, I cannot believe our good luck in stopping in here to eat!"
"Yes we are so blessed to be a part of the greatest eatery in the world."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile and placed his reassuring hands on both of their shoulders
"As you can see on the menu, we have a wide selection of options of your palate pleasing delight. We at Cafe Democracy, believe our choices represent what our patrons want and provide the widest, fairest and truest beliefs."
The hungry couple was overwhelmed with pride and thankfulness. They could not wait to order and put their two cents into the best cafe in the world. Even though it was quite beyond them that they ended up in this cafe, both husband and wife became borderline arrogant about their position in this Cafe Democracy.
"Is it not amazing that we the patrons have choices in what this fine establishment serves us?"
"You are so right. I feel such immense pride in this fact and wish for the world that other cafes did this same thing. It feels so right and good for us that I just cannot believe that it would not be right and good for all patrons of all cafes."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile.
"Now you are becoming true patronetes! I thank god you two are joining us in this process of choosing your food and service. I am your humble servant. Please take a look at these all inclusive options we, your humble cafe workers, have laid out for you."
The menus were as elegant and gilded as a menu could be. Each of them had the Cafe Democracy Logo in bossed letters across the top and then below that there was a paragraph that told of the freedom and choices that each patron who dined at Cafe Democracy was entitled to. At the bottom there was a signed promise by the founder of the Cafe that if a patron was not happy with the service provided that new waiters, cooks and bus boys would be placed. This was followed by the following phrase, "Cafe Democracy, more choices, better choices and did we mention any choice you want?" The couple picked them up and gazed in wide wonder at them. They naturally looked around them at other patrons around the cafe. People were pondering their own decisions and talking with their own waiter. To the untrained eye, it looked as if all the patrons were either very excited about their choices or just very calm. The woman finally open her menu up. A perplexed shadow crossed her face. It quickly vanished as the waiter's grip(it was no longer just a hand upon her shoulder) became firmer. The smile was still on his face but the stars in his eyes had lost a little sparkle and became a little sharper. She looked across at her husband who was very happily whistling the cafe theme song while he seemingly scanned his culinary options.
"Excuse me sir, but my menu must be wrong."
The waiter did not smile his knowing smile.
"And how my dear patroness, is your menu wrong?"
"Well...I am not sure where all my options are. I see the promise of more choices and freedoms than other cafes but I only have two menu items. A cheeseburger and a hamburger."
The waiter smiled his knowing smile but there was a dangerous edge to his voice that was not there earlier.
"As you can see, if you were not so ungrateful, that both choices come with a different freedom fry and soft drink."
The man had now looked up with some uncertainty.
"Oh waiter sir, I do not much care for french.." a quick fiery look from the waiter, "oh...ummm I mean freedom fries, either steak house style or waffle cut. Could I have a side of coleslaw with my hamburger?"
The waiter's knowing smile and starry eyes returned.
"Fellow patron, the choice between two types of freedom fries is a basic right that all Cafe Democracy patrons are entitled to. Please do not order in such a way that is un-cafelike, especially with such un-cafe like food options."
"Waiter, I also am unsatisfied with some options. I do not enjoy any sort of soft drinks, I prefer to have iced tea or just water. That is within my freedom and rights, correct?"
"Yes and I am not even sure I want any sort of burger. I have had so many of those in my life that I think a chicken sandwich sounds quite nice."
"The menu is set by cooks who know, my apologies, quite a bit more about food that either of you will ever know. Please choose your menu option now."
The now less hungry couple looked around them again. The other patrons now seemed to have changed. The excited patrons now looked more angry than excited. The calm and serene ones now looked to be more sad and broken. All had burgers or cheese burgers with one of two freedom fries and an extra large soft drink at their tables.
"I think I have lost my appetite honey. What about you?"
"Yes both options are unhealthy and do not sound or look good."
"I agree. I believe it would be healthier to not choose either option and just have some granola bars that we still have in our car."
The waiter had no smile on his face. He had no stars in his eyes. He turned and waved his arm towards two bus boys that had been waiting in the corner.
"These two people are no longer patrons at Cafe Democracy. Please dispose of their belongings, including their car. They only have it because of our great cooks and fellow patrons."
He turned to the now shocked and outraged couple.
"You will be charged full fare for your meal, now please leave Cafe Democracy and never return. Our menu options are for our paying patrons only."
"But we are paying patrons. You just said that we have been charged full price for the food that we did not order!"
The waiter did not look back at them as the bus boy, who wore a t-shirt stating that he was the practice of democracy, started dragging both man and woman out the back door. He instead went over to a new set of people wandering into the cafe. The people jumped in pseudo fright at his barking voice.
"Welcome to Cafe Democracy."
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