Great, Sun, Morning, Awe and some coffee

Had a spectacular camp fire with some friends last night. The fire was hot, the brews frosty and the conversation would have kept Professor Slughorn's hour glass still.
The topic of sun in the morning came up. How it can lift the spirits and bring forth immediate worship. I am at a coffee shop this morning and I got to watch the sun rise in The East and elation, contentment and mercy filled me. God's print is in all of nature but there are certain things that really strum with me.
Mountains. Majestic and scary. They can strike fear in me as well as my utmost humility.
Sunrises. Rebirth, new day and all that. The sun is such a gift. The daily sign that life goes on and we are not alone.
late for work now because of the stars in my eyes.

The Autumn List it is!

Lists are great. It is a lazy way for me to tell people things that I would not be able to in normal natural conversation. I get to shove my thoughts into all ya'lls faces. So it is Autumn but it is waning quickly. Life seems to speed up the more complicated it gets. That is a terrible thing to me. I guess that is why people who are constantly going and moving so often lose track of themselves or others.  Taking time to slow down and savor is not part of our culture anymore. I digress...
Here is one way I can try and slow my life down. By making a list, sometimes I am able to at least recognize what I love and what touches me.
So The Autumn...

Leaves. Crunchy, colorful, musty, aromatic...the adjectives could go on forever. I love when the leaves turn on the trees. The seem to symbolize the somber atmosphere descending, like elves leaving Middle Earth. I spent alot of football practices in college simply look at the collage of changing foliage. This may have contributed to my lack of playing time but I think my shortness of talent did mostly.

Flannel. I would wear flannel all year if I could. I mean I can but I tend to become smelly hot garbage when I attempt it in the summer. I was fortunate enough to have three close friends in college who all shared my love for the flannel shirt. James, Josiah and Jake. We really did make them cool again. I was saddened by the hipness factor they have now accumulated. I guess I am just being selfish though.

Coffee. Coffee makes my list for all seasons but it is especially grand in the fall months. Crisp mornings are brightened and illuminated by a fresh hot brew. Hurray.

Seeing my breath. Friends have witnessed my boyish joy I show once the warm moisture molecules from my lungs hit the cool air and cause steam. I realize you will think this stupid but this is my list not yours...and its the little things in life and all that.

Oktoberfest Style Beer. Best kind of beer hands down. Rich, frothy, amber, bursting with flavor. Gosh what more could you want.

Sitting in coffee shops with or without friends. I am doing this right now. It is great. Sit, read, talk, listen, drink, watch. Sounds like a pretty fulfilled life if you ask me.

Camp Fires. This is a multi-lister as well but oh well. Fire is always great unless it is burning you.

Fantasy Football. I like to watch football games but I have to admit that I am not a die hard fan anymore. It is hard for me to watch an entire game anymore. I do however love looking at my team during the week and writing mean/comical posts that degrades my fellow league members or myself. I also enjoy picking Star Wars themed team names. This year I am the Rebel Alliance. We are terrible but I like to write that we are good.

I do not like frost on my car windows though and that comes with Autumn as well. Good thing I can now park my car in a garage. I feel this will cut down on the number of days I get "sick" on work days this year.

Cheers 

The Ache for Further Up and Further In.

Everywhere I am I yearn for something else. I live in small town Kansas, I yearn for something exciting and busy. I live in Chicago, I wanted to be in Africa. I live in the mountains of Utah and yearned for closeness of family and even missed the Midwest autumn. I live in Des Moines and see pictures of mountains and it makes me miss the mist covered mountains.
The grass is never greener on the other side is that other side is just another place here on earth. I am constantly frustrated by my restlessness and want of being somewhere.
I am reading some of Tolkien's early middle earth creation literature right now (yes i am super dorky and hope i stay that way) and it has, as does Lewis' Narnia stories, so many references and themes of man being in a world that is not his/her own any longer. The metaphysical longing of something/someone/some place that is not yet here or we are not quite at yet is all over.
I truly do want and long to be in Africa for a very long time. I do want to live in Chicago maybe again if I stay here in the States. I do love being around my family and friends. These longings of comfort or completeness are, I think, the shadow or echo of my true longing. To be in the place where the colors are no longer images of reflected light but visions of the True Light. To finally be completed as Man and for my nature to be as it should be. No longer broken and vile. No longer wanting. To finally see the Glory the all sunsets/sunrises, mountains, music, love, birds, books, smiles, seas, winds, prairies, leaves, creatures reflect as shadows on a cave wall. Follow the dogs for they are headed Further Up and Further In.

Lets Get Intimate

There is such thing as too much of a good thing. Too much beer/wine/whiskey assists in terrible rants about eternity, head aches and very bad gas. Too much coffee results in my hands and toes shaking uncontrollably and the urge to take part in some sort of counter culturally activity(at least for me). Too much spare time results in 8:30 PM trips to Starbucks to partake in aforementioned good thing. Too many books CAN result in a loss of touch with actually people. This is not always so terrible to me but you know. Too much thinking can result in psychosis and second guessing your every move. Too much technology can result in untalented but inspired people to have the audacity to blog their thoughts on thoughtsofawannabenathan.blogspot.com. Too much sugar and saturated fats result in a fairly rotund belly and an addition to the chin God gave humans. Too much religion can result in a  crazy dogma and loss of relationship with Christ and people. Too much lack of religion can result ridiculous personalized spirituality where you are never wrong and decisions like wanting your friends to all wear the same jump suits and shoes right before you drink poison kool-aid.
Well I guess consistency in our lives is good. They are kicking me out of starbucks now and my hands shake as i type this.

10 years.

I stood in the hallway of Eureka Jr Sr High, leaning against the wall with a few of my friends waiting for class to start. Someone walked up and said it. "Did you guys see the news? Someone hit the World Trade Center with a plane."
I almost laughed. I thought he was kidding or if he was serious it had to be a single prop plane and tragically a few people may have died. Obviously I was wrong. I was stunned, scared, enraged and thought any retribution we gave to the terrorists was deserved and good. Ten years later the rage is gone. Sadness is there and pity. Pity for the families of the victims, pity for the families of the terrorists and most of all pity for the terrorists. How could a person justify killing thousands of people and think that God would be pleased. I get ill thinking of this.

Love your enemies. How do we do this as Christians? As terrible as the attacks were, Christ calls us to love those who were responsible for them. I know I myself cannot do this but Christ who is in me can. I cannot forgive them but I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. As Christians we will be persecuted, we will see tragedy, we will lose those we love here on earth and we are called to love all of those who bring pain and hurt into our lives. The early Christians were fed to lions, boiled alive, skinned, raped,  nailed to crosses, beheaded and hunted. Yet the Church survived, even grew by THOUSANDS each year. They loved their enemies and by the love of Christ in them, they touched those who persecuted them. God help us to emulate them.

Ten years later I am still forgiving and trying to love.

Roots

I read a quote somewhere that said in so many words that when you think back fondly of your hometown, that it is your childhood you miss, not the place. Obviously this person did not grow up in Neal, Kansas. I was pseudo day-dreaming as I listened to the Blitzen Trapper song "Furr" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmBgxP56R1I&ob=av2n which made me yearn for some sort of Walden Pond. As I left consiousness and floated above my own body I got the feeling of total and absolute oneness. Ha sorry. No but really what came to me was that I grew up in one big Walden Pond. What did Walden have that is so attractive? Let us explore the qualities. Solitude- This one is almost too easy If you do not believe me please look at google maps and type in Neal, KS. If one wants to get away from people you do not need to hardly leave Neal, there is something like 35 people living there, give or take 5-10. If you take a mile bike ride in any direction you come to places where only neanderthals and coyotes have ever been. Next Walden had inclusion into nature. Some of my fondest memories are spending entire days on Homer Creek just fishin, throwing rocks, make believing, sleeping, and exploring. I never remember it being too hot or too humid to go out and about on "my river". Thanks extra weight and A.C. Next, W.P. had a sense of escape. Now I know this is close to solitude and leaning too much towards escape rather than solitude is not good but let me try and clarify what my mind thinks. Ha. Solitude is extended time to be alone both physicaly and mentally. It is time for self-reflection and introspection, for pondering metaphysics and theology. Escape is something to be used sparingly and shortly. There are times when one is over stressed or just plain angry. You do not want to, and maybe should not, go and think or meditate on things so what you need is something to vent your pent up feelings or to break away from something weighing on you. You escape. I could always head to my river and escape. No judgements, scoldings, pressing needs or fear. I could yell at the trees, throw logs in the water or just lay in the grass and veg out. (pardon the pun) What is great about escapes is that they can evolve so easily into sanctuary and solitude. One should hardly ever act when in high emotion or deep depression. Once you have gotten a little more even keeled meditation is what should come next. In this way you can plug back into your life with others.

I love that I am from such a simple and mystical place. I was not born there but I spent most of my life there so far. When I visit the ma and pa time slows down and creeps along with the languidly of a lazy heifer in a bluestem pasture. (that is a cow I believe) Don't worry if you have never heard that term, it's just stuff we cow folk of Neal, America use. I feel badly sharing this with you and know that most people in the world will never experience the Neal Valley.  If you ever get the urge to wade in Rocky Ford or fish for perch in Bert and Jan's creek, I'm sure my parents will give you a tour in their now famous Go-kart. Yes, they are in the Neal 4th of July Parade.

 Getting there will be the hard part, I think the Yates Center Municipal Airport is open if you can fly in nothing bigger than this.

P.S.

The picture at the top is not the house I grew up in. It is one of the fine buildings on "main street". I believe it is supposed to be haunted.

No letter cursing please, the library is supposed to be partially quiet

I recently purchased Lewis Carroll's set of tales, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass so I have decided to explore words beginning with the letter "F".

Friendship. I just spent a week sleeping on my two best friends dream inducing sofa. I was up in Des Moines taking part in Official Hogwarts business but in addition to that I ate succulent ribs cooked by Jake, phenomenal fajitas from Tim and Kelly, played more Tiger Woods 2004 golf than is good for anyone, shopped at the second best book store in America with Molly (first in price though, if you have not gone to Half Price Books in Des Moines and you love books, well you should go.), played childish yet immensely fun pool games such as dodge the torpedo, catch the torpedo, baseball, breath holding and arm spin contests. This is really probably not interesting to you at all but my point is if you are unemployed and have a week or so to go hang out with close friends then you definitely should because nothing helps your soul so much as people around you who love you and you love. As much as I like Simon and Garfunkel  we are not meant to be alone ala Genesis 2:18, our nature as creatures is too need affection in some way and to be truly full, give affection in some way. As much as I love and in some ways understand the teachings and writings of the Desert Fathers, I will say where they fall short is the lack of emphasis they put on the joy we are supposed to take in each other. The point here is that I am blessed beyond belief in the friendships I have in reality across America.

Next word, Fallen.

Sat in on a Bible/devotional study with my friend and his father in law and discussed the idea of sin/redemption/Christ etc.. and I was reminded to what I constantly need reminded of, we are fallen and despicable and need the absolute grace of Christ for Life. What makes this so terrible when I do not meditate on this fact is that not only do I suffer myself, I cannot approach anything in my life, be it a job, relationships, witness, philosophy or what have you, in any sort of a correct way. Once we have the saving grace working out the constant salvation is terribly hard but nothing in this world matters if we stop doing it as Solomon tragically found out. So I guess I will have to continue to keep standing up. So the idea of fallen leads into a pair of words that come from the understanding of that word, failure and fresh. C.S. Lewis said that the Creator takes much joy in the fact that we get up and keep going. I do not want to fail or fall but if and when I do we are graced with fresh starts. Friendships and faith are ever so vital in stepping into our fresh starts after our failures, even though we are so fallen.

Well I feel as if I am rambleing so goodnight. Oh yes and I stayed with the Flinkmans whilst in Des Moines and that starts with F as well.